


I Wished for This

by Moonllotus



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, College, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Human Balthazar (Supernatural), Human Castiel, Human Meg Masters, Love, Love Wins, M/M, Schmoop, Time Travel, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-16 22:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonllotus/pseuds/Moonllotus
Summary: “You are cordially invited to the wedding of Jessica Lee Moore and Samuel John Winchester.”A wish to have Sam fall in love with him turns a bit wonky when Castiel finds himself twelve years in the past. Not only does henothave any feelings for his once obsessive crush, but he crosses paths with the Sam’s older brother Dean. It’s quite the learning experience once Castiel realizes that the universe may have sent him back for a reason.





	I Wished for This

Castiel stared at the invitation until the loopy letters became a blur.  

So this was it.  

He knew it was bound to happen. He had received the “Save the Date” months ago and it had been surreal back then. Hell, he had been at the stupid proposal. He had been there when the damn ring had been chosen. Castiel knew that his love had always been unrequited…it didn’t mean that it hurt any less.  

Samuel Winchester and Jessica Moore were getting married.  

They were his two dearest friends and they deserved each other. They were a great fit together. It’s not as if Castiel ever openly shared his feelings with Sam. That would’ve been embarrassing and pointless since Sam was straight and Jessica was amazing and -- Castiel needed a drink. He had planned on staying in, ordering too much takeout and drinking himself into a stupor until his best friend, Balthazar, decided to throw a wrench into that and drag him out of his apartment.  

They ended up at a jazz lounge called _Grace_. A place that they had frequented since college, back when they used to work there, Balthazar as a piano man while Castiel would sing the blues with his smoky voice.  

“You knew this was going to happen,” Balthazar stated, his voice was gentle. He gingerly swirled his wine glass, watching the deep red liquid circle around. His nonchalance act was hiding the fact that his gaze never really swayed from Castiel.  

Castiel, who had decided to order an entire bottle of bourbon and called it a night. Fuck it, why the hell not? He didn’t have to work in the morning and he needed some sort of escape. He was giving himself this opportunity to get black out drunk and cry before cleaning himself up and moving on.  

Right. He had been trying to move on for eight years now. He could remember when it was that he fell in love, it was his twenty-sixth birthday and he was supposed to be meeting Sam’s elder brother. Only, he had overdosed. He couldn’t remember much, but he remembered green eyes and freckles on the bridge of a nose. He remembered Sam calling an ambulance while rolling Castiel onto his side so that he wouldn’t suffocate on his own tongue. Sam had saved his life, and what had initially been a silly crush became full blown obsession.  

“I don’t want to hear it.” His heart was already shattered enough, there was no need to crush it to dust.  

“Are you going to the wedding?” Balthazar asked with an arched brow.  

This caused his companion to snort into his glass, “of course.”  

Because Castiel was a masochist he had agreed to be one of the groomsmen months ago, his tailored suit was already hanging in waiting in his closet. He knew that this was coming regardless of how he had wished that it weren’t. This secret longing made him feel worse since Sam and Jess were perfect together. Castiel was a horrible person.

Instead of saying anything, he poured himself more bourbon and drank until the bottle was empty.  

It was well past midnight by the time they managed to get back to Castiel’s apartment. Balthazar a steady hand as he gently helped his friend into his bed, making sure to take off his shoes and place a trash can next to him.  

“I just,” Castiel stuttered as Balthazar began to wrap him up in a spare blanket. “I just wish I could go back.”  

“Go back to what?” Balthazar asked, “you need to be more specific, love.” He wondered if it would be safe to leave his friend alone. There was the niggling worry that Castiel may drown in his own vomit throughout the night.  

“I wish I could go back and do it over. I wish I had another chance to get Sam to fall in love with me.” They were the last words out of his mouth before he fell asleep. 

* * *

 The sound of his alarm caused him to be flail out of bed.  

“Ugh,” Castiel groaned as he hit the ground. His head was pounding with the worst hangover of his life. Why was it going off when he didn’t have to work? Was life really so cruel? “Nngh.”  

“About time. I was beginning to think that you died,” Balthazar’s amused voice stated from somewhere across the room.  

“Water?” Castiel’s own voice was muffled by the carpet. His mouth felt as if it was filled with cotton and his eyes burned when he closed them. He could only speculate how shitty he looked.  

“Are you proud of yourself?” Balthazar continued, not bothering to help him in any way. Some best friend. “You just had to do shots with Chuck. We all know he’s a functioning alcoholic. And you won! Bully for you, I was impressed. Look how pathetic you are now.”  

This conversation felt like déjà vu.  

Slowly Castiel sat up. “Chuck?”  

He was confused. He hadn’t seen Charles Shurley since – Castiel froze. This was not his master bedroom with the amazing view of the city. This was his dorm room. A place he hadn’t seen in over ten years. It was just as he remembered it. The two twin sized beds with only three feet of space between them that managed to fit an eight drawer dresser, the tiny desks crammed at the foot of each bed, the crack at the ceiling above their dorm room door.  

The last time Castiel had lived here had been in his senior year. Before he went to med school.  

“This is a very lucid dream,” He muttered while squinting around. The room was too bright for him with his head pounding as it was.  

Balthazar turned off the lights and placed a bottle of Gatorade beside him. Apparently finally taking pity on him, “I know we’ve only got a few weeks left, but I didn’t expect you to lose control like that. Although it’s grand to see that you know how to have a good time.”  

“Don’t we have that party tonight at Anna’s?” Castiel grunted. It was the party he was going to meet Sam at. He chugged the Gatorade bottle from his spot on the floor. He was twenty-two again, lying on the ground for an extended period of time didn’t hurt his back as it did when he was his normal thirty-four year old self. Youth really was wasted on the young.  

“Seriously? How could you even think of drinking?” Balthazar asked, “I checked on Chuck earlier you know. His roommate had been terrified that he had died. Wouldn’t be surprised if his liver just up and left the git.”  

“Party, Balt?” Castiel pressed on.  

“Nooo,” Balthazar dragged out, “I’m working at _Grace_ tonight. You were going as Meg’s plus one. How hungover are you?”  

“Not as much as I could be,” Castiel responded before finally dragging himself up into a sitting position. He needed some painkillers, a gallon of water, and nap.  

The mention of Meg caused his insides to tie themselves up in knots. Would he honestly want to see her? When they attended college together their relationship was toxic, even after they graduated with their bachelors. Castiel had almost lost his scholarship in med school because Meg had turned him on to narcotics. Not that him becoming an addict was entirely her fault, but her lifestyle was not one that Castiel ever wanted to follow again. When Meg had moved to New York to practice law, Castiel decided to stay behind in California. The separation did wonders for him, he still cared for Meg in his own way but he would never want her to be a part of his life again.  

Instead he tried to focus on the fact that he was going to see Sam tonight. It had not been love at first sight, Sam was adorable but Castiel felt nothing but lust. Four years of friendship later and Castiel loved Sam more than he had ever loved anyone else. Still, there was a tug in his heart as he thought about the party tonight.

Something that wasn’t quite right, something that he felt the first time around that he hadn’t listened to. This was Castiel’s second chance, but he couldn’t help the feeling that he was supposed to be elsewhere.  

“Actually, maybe I’ll stop by _Grace_ for some pre-gaming,” Castiel grinned. As long as he still managed to meet Sam, did it matter if he showed up a little late? He wondered how time would be altered if he didn’t go directly to the party at Anna’s sorority. He hoped that whatever changes happened that they wouldn’t be too monumental.  

Balthazar made a face at that, “are you seriously going to ditch Meg? She’ll castrate you if you do.”  

“I’ll be fine.” Castiel assured him while flopping back down on his bed. Did he have class today? He thinks that he skipped it the first time around as well, mostly due to the hangover. How Chuck managed to live like this was amazing, but last Castiel had heard Chuck was writing a popular supernatural romance series and he only ever received his ideas when he was heavily intoxicated. They hadn’t spoken in a few months, Castiel made a mental note to check in with Chuck once he was back in the proper timeline.  

“Want to go the cafeteria to get some lunch?” Balthazar asked after about an hour of silence between them. He had been working on his laptop, no doubt doing some type of assignment last minute. Unlike Castiel who had all of his work done nearly a month after he received his syllabus.  

The problem with being stuck twelve years in the past was that it was _twelve years in the past_ , and Castiel couldn’t remember if he went to get lunch with his dorm mate or not. Did he get food or stay in bed sleeping off the hangover? Did it matter?  

His stomach decided to make the decision for him by growling loudly.  

“I’m taking that as a yes,” Balthazar stated while closing up his laptop. 

* * *

It had taken another hour before Castiel managed to control the pounding in his head before they finally made it to the dining hall.  

The cafeteria was full with the usual lunch rush. Castiel made sure he kept his sunglasses in place to help ease the pain behind his eyes while trying not to stare at the people around him. He vaguely wondered what some of these young adults were doing with their lives now. Did they achieve their goals? Did they marry? Have children? Were they even still alive?  

So busy with his musings that he didn’t notice the body in front of him until the other persons books were strewn on the linoleum floor before them.  

“I’m sorry!” Castiel blurted, bending down to help them pick up their belongings.  

Balthazar went around him to order their food.  

“It’s okay, I’ve been distracted like that before too.” A kind voice chuckled.  

Castiel momentarily froze. He knew that tone. He was almost half afraid to glance up, but couldn’t help it.  

Sam at nineteen was so much younger than Castiel remembered him to be. His shaggy hair fell into his eyes and he grinned boyishly. There were freckles on the bridge of his nose that disappeared with age, but his green eyes were as bright as ever. And Castiel had expected something. Some sort of emotion to fill him. Instead he felt… **nothing**. Maybe it was because he technically didn’t know Sam yet? The vast emptiness in his heart was almost difficult to swallow. He expected _something_ , but all that was there was a vague affection. The type one would feel with an old friend, but nothing remotely romantic.  

It was disconcerting. And had he not been Castiel, he was sure he’d be in the midst of a panic attack.  

“Would you like to sit with us?” Balthazar seemed to pop up from nowhere then. He always saved Castiel from being too awkward.  

Sam glanced between the two before nodding, “sure. I was gonna eat anyways since I’ve got some time before class.”  

This was not how it originally happened. Castiel distinctly remembered bonding with Sam over Led Zeppelin at the sorority party and spending the majority of the night talking to him. They had never met prior to that. This was a major change in the timeline.  

What exactly was going on?  

Introductions were made and the three of them got along amicably. Which was to be expected considering they were good friends in the future. Castiel was baffled.  

Too preoccupied with the lack of any feelings to fully pay attention to their conversation. He easily feigned to his companions that it was his killer migraine (read: hangover), although that had disappeared nearly twenty minutes ago.  

“You should go to the Omega Pi party tonight,” Balthazar suggested to Sam, “Cassie here was planning on going.”  

“Maybe I’ll go for a little while?” Sam shrugged, “my brother’s coming into town to visit me tomorrow. I don’t want to be hungover when he does, he’d make my life hell about it.”  

Despite the years of friendship Castiel has never actually met Sam’s older brother. The infamous Dean. He saw pictures at Sam’s place, but he never really gave them much attention. When questioned, Sam would just shake his head and joke that Dean had a thing for brunettes and he would hate for his brother to ruin whatever it was that Castiel and Sam had. Sam had teased that he would hate for Castiel to fall in love with Dean, although he’d be happy if it were what got Dean to leave his unhappy marriage.  

Castiel wasn’t sure if there was even a point in going to the party now. “I was going to pre-game at _Grace_ first.”  

Balthazar nodded, “maybe we you two can meet up afterwards?”  

It was painfully obvious that Balthazar was trying to get the two of them to exchange numbers. Castiel’s dorm mate was constantly trying to get him laid. If things had gone how they originally had, then it would have been different. But now….now Castiel _didn’t_ feel like jumping Sam’s bones.   

“Sure, that sounds like a plan,” Sam beamed.  

They exchanged numbers and continued their lunch until Sam had to leave for his next class.  

“What’s going on with you?” Balthazar demanded once it was just the two of them, “I know your type Cassie. At least in men. You like them tall with green eyes and freckles. That shaggy haired kid had it all!”  

Castiel shrugged, “I didn’t feel anything towards him. No spark.”  

“There doesn’t necessarily need to be a spark to have sex,” Balthazar rolled his eyes. “I have a class soon. See you later.”  

Castiel sat at the table for a little longer before making his way back to his dorm for a much needed nap. He couldn’t help but feel immense relief at the lack of love towards Sam, he hadn’t realized the burden of his feelings made being around Sam for long amounts of time difficult to bear, and now Castiel felt _light_. He knew he should try to analyze this harder, to figure out the why’s or the how’s. Yet he didn’t want to, if this was Castiel’s do-over then he was okay with it. He fell asleep easily and for once didn’t have any sort of dream about Sam.   

* * *

_Grace_ was how it always was.

Black ceiling with black floors, dim lighting. Everything was chrome, brass, and white subway tiles with a black door leading towards the exit. The bar had Edison lights above it and the stage was small with a single piano on it for the evening.   It felt every inch like a jazz bar. There were a few college students mulling about, but mostly there were adults in their later twenties or early thirties lounging and having a good time.  

Balthazar was on the piano, playing classical covers of Led Zeppelin of all things, and Castiel had to wonder what Led Zeppelin had to do with tonight. During the first time he lived it he had spoken to Sam all night about the band and other bands that were similar to them. Now this. This had to be some type of foreshadowing.  

Castiel glanced around until he spotted an empty seat next to a pretty brunette woman with large brown eyes and tanned brown skin.  

“Is it alright if I sit here?” He asked as he approached. He already had a glass of beer in his hands, “I promise that I’m not trying to hit on you. I just really want to sit down.”  

She glanced up at him, giving a once over of his worn jeans and plain blue t-shirt. He knew his hair was a windswept mess and he had two day old stubble on his cheeks. Whatever it is she saw, it was obvious that she didn’t mind. “Sure.”  

“Thank you,” he smiled kindly, “I’m Castiel.”  

“Lisa,” She returned his smile, “I’m actually waiting for a friend of mine who’s running late. He said he’s stuck in traffic.”  

Lisa was familiar, Castiel had seen her before. He could barely grasp the memory of where. Then it clicked.  

In Castiel’s time she was Dean’s wife. Sam had a photo of her with his brother and their son. His nephew, Ben, was the spitting image of Dean but with Lisa’s coloring. Although Sam told him that Ben was Dean’s _stepson_ , and then bitterly added that the boy was the only thing keeping the marriage together. He would then demand they change the topic before he began to rant about how stupid his brother was. Castiel had found it an admirable trait, Dean had obviously loved the boy as if he were his own, there nothing wrong with that.  

Although the fact that he was running into Lisa here and now… the universe was definitely trying to tell him something.  

Lisa was pleasant, warm and funny. She matched Castiel’s sarcasm well and made him laugh more than once.  

“Hey!” A male voice greeted from behind them. He was taller than Castiel expected. Ash blond hair that was spiked in the front, green eyes that were bright even in the dim room, freckles smattered on the bridge of his nose and high cheek bones. His mouth seemed to have a pout for a default setting, and his eyes were heavy lidded. He was the most beautiful person that Castiel had ever seen, the photos had obviously not done him any justice.  

“Hey yourself stranger.” Lisa smirked while exchanging a kiss on the cheek. “Dean, this is Castiel. He’s been keeping me entertained.”  

Dean gave a slanted smile, “really now?”  

There was a tension between them that was thick, and Castiel couldn’t figure out if it was because of an attraction or because Dean thought Castiel was hitting on Lisa.  

“Yes,” Castiel answered, “Lisa is magnificent company.”  

He watched as Dean looked taken aback by how deep his voice was. Both Balthazar and Meg had made several comments more than once on how Castiel had the voice for phone sex. It’s what made him the perfect blue’s singer.  

“Oh,” a blush began to stain Dean’s handsome face. “That’s…okay.”  

They stared at each other. Castiel lost track of time for a moment as he tried to count the number of freckles that he could spy in the dim lighting. Dean’s ears were beginning to redden.  

Lisa eyed them both, an amused expression on her face. “Well gosh, it’s getting late and I have to teach a yoga class bright and early in the morning. So I’m just gonna go.”  

“What?” Dean snapped out of his trance, “I just got here Lee, been driving since yesterday to see you.”  

“You mean to see Sam,” Lisa corrected with a teasing smile. “No worries, we can catch up tomorrow if you’d like.” She gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek before sending both Dean and Castiel a grin and a wink. 

“I think she’s trying to set us up,” Castiel leaned back in his seat and took a small sip of his beer. He hummed along to the piano version of _Stairway to Heaven_ , trying and failing to not notice that Dean took Lisa’s vacated seat and was radiating body warmth.  

“What’re you drinking?” Dean asked as he tapped his fingers on the counter top nervously. His ears were still an interesting shade of red.  

“It’s a local ale that’s on tap, it’s called True Love.” Castiel could see the irony in this. He had been friends with Sam for twelve years and had never met the man who was next to him. All of Sam’s joking aside, there had been plenty of opportunities, but Castiel somehow missed every one of them. Especially since Dean lived in Pontiac, Illinois with his family while Castiel was in Palo Alto. The wedding would have been their official introduction. Castiel wasn’t sure if he could handle a version of Dean all cleaned up. Granted, currently they were both twenty-two and baby-faced, Dean was wearing ripped jeans, scuffed boots, and a plain black t-shirt. Was it fair for someone to be so pretty?  

Dean snorted, “are you fucking kidding me?”  

“Nope,” Castiel popped the ‘p’ before taking another swig. “I didn’t name it.”  

“Fuck it, I’ll try it,” Dean ordered himself a pint from the bartender who had been watching the two of them.  

“This next song is for that devilishly handsome bloke in the back,” Balthazar’s voice cut through the speakers as he pointed directly at Castiel.  

Castiel felt his face heat up as the first strings of _Black Dog_ began to play.  

“Friend of yours?” the blond man questioned with an arched brow. “Nothing against _Black Dog_ , it is a sexy song. I've never heard it on a piano before.”  

“He’s my dorm mate.” Castiel groaned. “He thinks he’s funny. A few months ago I locked myself out of our room, I was very drunk at the time. He refused to let me in because he’s an ass. So I started belting out _Black Dog_ in the middle of the hallway, I’ve been told by many that I did a decent rendition of it, not that I can recall. He’s been using the song against me ever since.”  

Dean hummed and nodded, “I lost my virginity to this song.”  

“Do you often try to bring up sex with complete strangers?” Castiel felt the corners of his mouth begin to form a smile.  

“Depends,” Dean peered at him through his eyelashes, “are you thinking of having sex with me?”  

This caused a surprised bark of disbelieving laughter to escape Castiel, “please tell me lines like that don’t get you laid. That was terrible.”  

The pleased expression on Dean’s face caused Castiel’s heart to warm and he felt the heat come back into his face.  

“Well I’m pretty easy on the eyes, I don’t need to say much.” Dean shrugged.  

“Your modesty is astounding.” Castiel clinked their glasses together playfully. Another Led Zeppelin song began to play. “Balthazar is on a roll tonight.”  

“Zeppelin is my favorite band so I ain’t gonna complain.” Dean stretched and leaned back in his chair, knee knocking against Castiel’s, “So what’re you studying at Stanford?”  

“My career goal is to be a surgeon, what about you?” He knew that Dean was a firefighter, but he wanted to know how he got to that point. What led him to be that? He hadn’t even felt this type of connection with Sam. Sam, who was one of his dearest friends. Sam, who he had an attraction to but nothing more until he saved his life. Maybe Castiel never truly loved Sam, maybe it had been some sort of hero worship mixed with extreme admiration and comradery. Maybe everything he thought he loved about Sam was actually learned from Dean. Maybe the universe was trying to tell him something.  

“I’m an EMT, kudos to you for wanting to be a doctor. I’m thinking of getting a few years of being an EMT under my belt before…well,” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. A sign of embarrassment or discomfort, “I want to be a firefighter.”  

“That’s amazing Dean.”  

“Nah, I feel that every little boy wants to be a firefighter or a police officer.”  

“If it helps, I had wanted to be a bird.”  

“Dude, I can’t tell if that’s deep or if you’re a weirdo.”  

They had to sit with their heads bent close to hear every word over the music. Add that to the dim lighting and it led to a very intimate atmosphere. Before either of them knew it _Grace_ was closing. Instead of calling it a night they decided to go to Dean’s motel room, where they ordered from a twenty-four hour pizzeria that was on campus and talked until they fell asleep in a tangle of fully clothed limbs.   

* * *

 A hot breath against the back of his neck was what slowly woke up him. The feeling of a warm chest against his back, a heavy arm across his waist with a calloused hand resting underneath his shirt, an erection pressed against his lower thigh.  

“Nngh, Dean,” Castiel shuffled a little, pressing closer to the body heat behind him. He really didn’t want to open his eyes yet, didn’t want their time together to come to an end.  

“Hm?” Dean grunted, obviously not fully awake either.  

The sun was peering brightly through the window and shining down cheerfully into Castiel’s face. He groaned before opening his eyes and froze. This was not the Motel 6 room that he had initially fallen asleep in. This was his master bedroom with the amazing view of the city. Cautiously he turned to see who was behind him, praying that it wasn’t Balthazar. The last thing he needed was to pretend that he hadn’t felt his best friends hard on against him.  

To his immediate relief it was Dean. Older, scruffier, and even more gorgeous that he had been when they had first met. Seriously, who aged like that?   He ran his free hand along Dean’s arm, tracing the skin that was beneath his fingers as he tried to focus.  

Twelve years ago they had fallen asleep together after staying up all night talking. Afterwards they had gone to breakfast to continue their conversation. Dean had purposefully chosen the restaurant that Sam was working at part-time to bother his brother as he worked, only for Sam to rub it in Dean’s face that he technically met Castiel first. Before they parted ways they exchanged numbers and email addresses. They saw each other again the night before Dean had to drive back to Kansas. Dean had forgotten about Lisa during his visit. Afterwards they kept in touch as nothing more than friends. Good friends, friends who knew everything about one another and were always willing to learn more. Sam had called is nauseating and Balthazar had swooned dramatically whenever he caught Castiel talking to Dean via phone or skype. They saw each other sporadically throughout the years. Including one year when Dean and his best friend Charlie went to California for Comic Con and Dean demanded that he and Castiel  cosplay Kirk and Spock together.

On his twenty-sixth birthday Dean surprised him by showing up at the party Meg had thrown in celebration. He couldn’t remember much, but he remembered green eyes and freckles on the bridge of a nose before their mouths met for their first kiss. They left the party early to spend time together with kissing being an added bonus. Then Dean found a fire house in Palo Alto and suddenly dating was on the table. And sex. So much amazing sex. A year later they moved in together. At twenty-eight California legalized same sex marriage. At twenty-nine Castiel proposed. By thirty they were married.

Like every couple they had their issues. The typical ups and downs. But they worked, they fit together so well. They loved each other, passionately and all encompassing. When Sam had asked Dean and Cas to go with him to pick out a ring for Jess he had mentioned how they were the couple he hoped he and Jess could aim to be like. According to Sam they were the perfect couple.

The early morning sunlight caused Dean to look golden. Castiel continued to pet his arm, keeping in mind that his husband oftentimes woke up angry when his sleep was distributed. Like a bear. Dean borrowed his face into Castiel's neck, breathing him in.

The memories of a life that didn't happen faded as he held Dean closer.

"Mornin' Cas."

"Good morning, Dean."

End

**Author's Note:**

> This has been done before, but I wanted to try my hand at it. Please leave kudos!


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